Three Strategies to Having More Self-Compassion in the New Year.

If there were one resolution or intention I could add to the international agenda, it would be for us all to have a bit more self-compassion. Way too often I hear many of my thoughtful and kind-hearted friends say, “Oh, I was such a dork,” or “that was so stupid of me,” or “I’m so lazy!” when they talk about the lapses and missteps in their lives. I have to admit too that even in my own mind I have demands and accusations of myself that are not so nice. The cost of this kind of self-criticism though is really quite high – not only does it breed more self-criticism, it significantly lowers our motivation level and does a number on both our creativity and self-esteem.

Knowing theses costs, however, does not make it easier to institute a change, as we all know. The argument that most often boomerangs right back at me at the speed of light involves a robust fear and belief that if one stops talking to oneself like a coach who has gone over the edge, then one will lose all motivation and absolutely, undoubtedly, and most certainly, certainly become the deadly sin of sloth incarnate. What’s important to hold on to here is that self-compassion isn’t about letting go of your ideals or goals and being totally freewheeling, it’s about letting go of the harsh and judgmental way you go about talking to yourself when you are head-to-head with your mistakes and limitations. Self-compassion is about truly responding with warmth and understanding towards yourself when you are faced with a “failure” or a part of yourself that you’re not particularly fond of.

Does this sound good to you??? I know it does to me! Here are three ways you can sprinkle more of this good stuff in your day throughout 2014:

 

1. Practice midfulness.

Mindfulness is about both paying attention and how you pay attention. When you are truly observant to what is playing over and over in your mind, you can direct the monologue and not just take on your own personal Statler & Waldorf heckling as a given.

 

2. Take in some self-compassion meditations.

For 16 to 20 minutes a pop, you can listen to the master of self-compassion, Kristin Neff, Ph.D., on one of her 6 free self-compassion mediation downloads.

 

3. Be your own Sweets!

Once you catch yourself going off on the 7-mile-blackberry-bush-path-with-no-berries-and-only-thorns critical loop, use your imaginary doppelgänger to wrap an arm around your shoulder and say, “Come on Sweets, I know this is a tough one. We got this.”

 

Now, I’d love to hear from you. What are you going to do today to give yourself the gift of self-compassion? Leave a comment below and let me know – and know too that what you have to say may be just what someone else needed to hear today!

 

 

Bridget Whitlow